the stories we tell

In my last newsletter I wrote about unaltered truths, parts of us that never change and that form the core of our essence. But you know what else shapes us profoundly? The narratives woven by others about who we are, often repeated until they become ingrained in our identities:

“You’re so funny, your jokes are hilarious.”
“You’re such a sweet girl.”
“You’re so good with words.”
«You never talk about your feelings.»
“You are so responsible.”
«You’re not the romantic type.»
“You are just not able to be in a steady relationship.”
“You always overspend.“
“You’re the type of girls guys like to hang out with, you’re just not girlfriend material.”

Some of these affirmations can be empowering, boosting our confidence. But others, if we let them sink in and take root, can be constraining. And then there are those that might have been true once, but no longer fit who we’ve become. Maybe that’s because we forgot to change the narrative ourselves?

I’ve been doing some introspection lately, revisiting some of the stories I’ve been telling myself for too long:

• “I am fragile and broken, too sensitive for the world.I need to limit my emotional amplitude to not feel miserable.”
• “I am not spontaneous, I only feel fine when I am planning ahead for the future.”
• «I cannot relax or be creative when the house is messy. I need to clean up first.»

What are some tales about yourself that are past expiration date and could use a rewrite, Tanja? What are some new and different sides of yourself that have sparked over time and that you’d like to explore? Where can you start saying «yes, and»? (such as in «Yes, I am an introvert, but I also shine on stage.»)

Lots of love,

Tanja

This text was first published in my though-letter Tanja’s Butterflies (May Edition 2024 ). If you are interested in receiving the next editions in your inbox including additional resources such as inspiring quotes, books and more, you can subscribe here.