Ready to die

My parents are ready to die. And I truly appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong: They are in good health, and I am looking forward to spending decades with them. But they took care of everything – and as much as I hate to think about the day they are going to leave this world, at least they will not leave us with bank accounts we can’t access, passwords we need to guess, storage rooms packed with piles of crap or – most importantly – doubts on how they would like things to be handled when the time has come. I can’t thank them enough for being so thoughtful and proactive about everything that needs to be taken care of – I know for a fact that this is not a given in many families. Instead, the closer we get to the last chapters of our life, the more we seem to pretend we are going to live forever.

Lately, I have been wondering how my life and my points of view are going to change once I get older.

• Am I going to find peace and be more forgiving with myself?
• I am going to turn bitter and harsh, one of those elderly people that make snark comments about kids jumping around on the train? One of those people I swore I’d never become?
• Am I going to find ways to respect myself even when my mind loses its grip and my body is no longer going to perform the way I want it to?

On their deathbed nobody ever tells you: I wish I had worked more. All they say is: I wish I had spent more time with my loved ones, travelled more, been more true to myself. So why are we missing out on so much and often obsessing about stuff that will not really matter in a couple of years?

We don’t know when Joe Black is going to come for us. What if more than half of our life is already over? What if you only had 10 or 15 good years left? Years that you can spend with all your senses, your body and mind intact? What would you do differently today?

Just something to think about. Death is such a taboo topic in our society and I don’t have a clue how to deal with all the sadness, awkwardness and darkness surrounding it. If you figured this out, let me know.

Lots of love,

Tanja

PS: No matter how old you are, today is the day to sit down and get your things in order by filling out a living will (Patientenverfügung). This is the template my husband and me used (German).

This text was first published in my though-letter Tanja’s Butterflies (November Edition 2021 – Part 2). If you are interested in receiving the next editions in your inbox with additional resources, you can subscribe here.