Messed Up

There are those days in my female cycle where the world looks especially dark and twisted to me. Every month around this time, I feel like my life is a total desaster and everything is going to hell. And since I don’t want to drag you down that hole, I did my best to surrender to this feeling and still give it a fun twist. And this is the (not so serious) result:
 

10 ways to successfully mess up your life forever

Step 1: Surround yourself with boring and negative people (think: Grinch and Wednesday Addams…). This will make it much easier to keep all conversations shallow or energy-draining. 

Step 2: Keep yourself busy all the time. God knows which ideas you would come up with if you gave yourself some time for deep thinking! Do not risk taking a closer look at your life and just keep the hamser wheel going. 

Step 3: Choose the prettiest, smartest and richest people you know and compare yourself to them at least twice a day. Then write «I am a failure» on your bathroom mirror and take a good look every time before you take a shower. 

Step 4: Only look at what you haven’t accomplished yet. If you look back on your past actions, do so only to beat yourself up for your failures, mistakes and missed opportunities. Giving yourself credit for anything you have achieved in the past or boosting your self-confidence is a narcissist behavior which is very much frowned upon in Grinch world. 

Step 5: Choose economic profit as your Northstar metric and make sure you sacrifice everything else for it. This will make it very easy to take decisions. Pro tip: Always prioritize for short-term gain. Who cares how your current actions will affect your future self?

Step 6: Work as much as possible. Nobody on their death bed will say: «I wish I had spent more time with my loved ones or pursuing my dreams.» Everyone’s last sentence is: «I wish I had worked more.» So you better keep this in mind and live accordingly. 

Step 7: Second-guess your every move. Always spend as much time regretting past decisions as possible. Dwell in this feeling and repeat after me: «This was a terrible decision. I will never be happy again.»

Step 8: Never ever ask for help. Help is for losers. Never ask «What if?» either. It’s a waste of time. In general, don’t ask any questions. Your brain is fully occupied with steps 1 to 7 anyway. 

Step 9: Never go all in. Always play it safe. If you find the love of your life, invest a couple of years to watch him/her from a safe distance before you make any move. If you have an idea for a book, a business, a different life, better keep it in the drawer for another decade. 

Step 10: Even better: don’t ever try at all. Because if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right?


If you need any further advise on being self-destructive, I’m always happy to help 🙂 Just kidding, I’m actually feeling much better after writing this. I might even be ready to go out and meet some real people today 🙂 

I hope you are doing great and that you will share your 10 tips on how to create the most amazing life with me soon to turn this ship around 🙂

Lots of love,
Tanja

This text was first published in my though-letter Tanja’s Butterflies (March Edition 2023). If you are interested in receiving the next editions in your inbox including additional resources such as inspiring quotes, books and more, you can subscribe here.