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A few weeks ago I hired a cleaning lady. I thought the difficult part would be finding someone I trust who is efficient, autonomous and flexible. That part turned out to be quite easy. Within four days I had found a great match. The tough part, however, is figuring out whether I really want a stranger cleaning my house. Whether to put yet another fixed appointment in my calendar. Whether to let someone take a close look at each and every corner of a lovely, but pretty imperfect home. Not an easy taskf or me. It turns out I’m the kind of person who cleans before the cleaner…

So after spending weeks and months convincing myself that I am worthy of asking for professional help around the house, I still find myself relieved when the cleaning lady cancels an appointment with us. That should tell me something I guess… Don’t get me wrong. I love when our house is neat and tidy. It really puts my mind at ease – for this split second before the kids get home and we go back to square one… I also love all the little spiders and daddy-long-legs in my house. And I had to tell the cleaner right away that those are here to stay – after all, I spent years teaching my kids that these little creatures are our friends.

Morena has been coming in to clean our house for two months now, and it sparked this whole process of figuring out how important a neat and polished house really is for me after all. I always tried to squeeze in as many chores as I could into my busy schedule, I am freaking out when my dear fellow occupants leave their stuff lying around and I need to hide books when their covers don’t match my interior design. So I thought I am the type of person who really needs a cleaner – given the little time I have left to spend on household tasks.

But once I had to pay someone for it and the idea of a perfectly tidy house got a price tag, I figured there are so many other things I’d rather use this money on. Like holidays, books or eating out. Once I had a stranger in my house, I also instinctively knew I could not handle this more than once or twice a month because having a person cleaning up after me leaves me feeling uncomfortable and makes me want to hide in my office until they are gone. And once I hired this cleaning lady, it completely changed my perspective on all the spider webs and flyspecks at home:

Every stain on the kitchen tiles means I have enjoyed a netflix evening with my husband instead of mopping the floor. Every dust bunny I see is proof that I value my yoga sessions more than my vacuum cleaner. And because I left the windows of our glass door covered in finger prints, I have one reason less to yell at my kids for touching them on a daily basis.

Our homes are telling us a lot about our priorities in life and how we evolve. We have been living in our house for over three years now, but it was only during the last ten months that I started hanging pictures on the walls that really mean a lot to me (I haven’t gotten around to fixing the fact that they are all crooked, but well, who cares. It’s a journey 😉 

I also treated myself to a piano last fall – and music is now claiming more and more space in my life. I started spending around CHF 500 on books per year (sorry, honey, in case you didn’t know 😉 – and they are now spread all around the house as I am usually reading several at a time. We also moved our focus from fixing a part of the garden we rarely spend time in to making our roof top a cozy place we enjoy hanging out on every day to treat ourselves to a break. Our house tells my story of finding my way back home to myself.

Which story is your home telling about your life?

As I write this, I see a bug crossing my room in stoic devotion. I’m smiling and waving at it. Definitely a butterfly moment for me.

Lots of love,
Tanja

This text was first published in my though-letter Tanja’s Butterflies (June Edition 2022). If you are interested in receiving the next editions in your inbox with additional resources, you can subscribe here.