Deep Learnings

I consider myself a fast learner – but there are a few things that took me over two decades to sink in. I call those deep learnings. The ones that you can hear a thousand times from other people, but you will never truly get until you live a lot, mess up and get up again. Until you integrate them into every fiber of your being. And once you do, it’s impossible to unsee them. They become part of your fundamental believe system and aspirations. You truly get them – which does not necessarily mean that you master or always apply them. On the contrary: You realize how far you’ve come and how much work is still laying ahead of you. This is deep learning. It’s really hard, but it’s the right kind of hard.

Today I am turning 38. Here are my TOP 20 deep learnings from the past two decades:

1. Listen more, talk less. When you listen, don’t listen with the intention to reply.
2. The best things in my life happened when I shifted from managing my time to managing my energy (which in my case came with the mind-blowing epiphany that I am a total introvert).
3. It’s ok to seek silence and solitude – not only when everyone else is not around anyway. Choosing my solitude over your companionship when I need it does not make me a bad partner, friend or mother.
4. Know when to speed up and when to slow down. More often than not, slowing down will get you there faster in the long run.
5. Being truly myself is the only place where I will never have to fear any competition.
6. I don’t have any right to change anyone. I need to accept this, embrace it and stop fixing other people’s problems without being asked for it.
7. Nobody else is in charge of making me happy. Nobody.
8. Emotions are data. They are desperately trying to show us where to dig next. Let’s approach them with curiosity.
9. Anger is often sadness in disguise.
10. We are all part of a system. If one part moves, everything shifts.
11. Nothing good ever comes from a scarcity mindset (except environmentalism).
12. Am I acting out of love or out of fear? That is one of the most powerful questions in my life along with: «how much is enough?»
13. The soul is opening up to as much trauma as it can handle in this very moment. Trust the process and the wisdom of your body. 
14. Trust your intuition. If you lost it, do everything in your power to re-establish it.
15. We have the freedom to think anything. Often, we are very focused on all sorts of external constraints when in reality we have not even tapped into the biggest lever yet: exploring what we truly want and daring to be the boldest and freest version of ourselves. 
16. We are all longing for the human switch in others. Our deepest most vulnerable self is the sweetest and stickiest way to connect with each other.
17. We all want to be both held and free. At the bottom of every important decision lies the question: “If I do this, will I still be worthy of love and belonging?”
18. You can never have enough sisters – especially when you make it a habit to deliberately choose them or happen to be blessed with the best you can think of – like me.
19. Avoid sunk cost thinking. You don’t have to finish every meal and I don’t have to deliver twenty items just because I thought this was going to be a TOP 20 list. It’s ok to stop powering through. Sunk costs are one of the biggest mindfucks in history of mankind. So just pivot when it’s time and shut up when there is nothing left to say.

What are your deep learnings from the past?

Lots of love,
Tanja

This text was first published in my though-letter Tanja’s Butterflies (April Edition 2023 – Part 2). If you are interested in receiving the next editions in your inbox including additional resources such as inspiring quotes, books and more, you can subscribe here.