Good-bye 2021, hello 2022! Opting in – opting out

Chasing butterflies – this is what I set out to do in 2021. Not the easiest thing to accomplish during a global pandemic… And I wouldn’t even dare to say I’m half way there, but the intent really matters and in hindsight I’m glad this was the mantra I set for myself this year. It has become a constant reminder that what I am really looking for is a life filled with joy and moments when I’m deeply connected to myself, the world and the people I care about. A reminder to spot opportunities to rejoice and to not take life too seriously all the time. Serendipity is something an open mind can encounter – even in a year like this one.

Here are my biggest learnings and highlights from 2021:

• Tanja Days: The absolute best idea my husband and me had this year was to reduce his workload in order to introduce a bi-weekly me-time day for each one of us. No kids, no work, just self-care. While he might be spending these days on his motorbike, sorting photos from the past or doing whatever he does with all those cables in the basement, my Tanja days typically start with a 20km run at 6 am, followed by reading, writing or – just recently – teaching myself how to play the piano. I really enjoy learning this wonderful instrument from scratch, even though it might have been a little annoying for my family to listen to “For Elise” a gazillion times 😊 Anyways, our me-time has made a huge difference for us as a family and as a couple. Not only have we been able to find time for our hobbies, it also significantly reduces my mental load to know that whatever I want to make time for has to wait for two weeks max. These Tanja days have become my islands to decompress, find stillness and to re-learn what I even want to do in my free time (which is something that actually feels weird after years of accumulating me-time debt…). I am aware that this is a luxury not everyone can afford, but it is also a deliberate decision we took to not optimize for profit and to recharge our batteries on a bi-weekly basis instead.

• Tanja’s Butterflies: Since the moment I learned how to write, I have been keeping journals, writing poems, stories and even occasional plays for my family. It’s the most natural way of expressing myself – and yet, in the past 15 years I somehow stopped doing it except for my annual reflection and some songs. I was too busy figuring out how to “adult” and in the process I lost the connection to my inspiration. This year, I made it a priority to re-connect with my creativity in order to feel more whole-hearted and fulfilled. To build in some social accountability and as an opportunity to connect with friends, family and colleagues, I started publishing a newsletter (or rather though-letter) called Tanja’s Butterflies – sharing my thoughts and struggles in quest of those butterfly moments. What started as a monthly newlsetter, soon turned into bi-weekly emails as there were just so many topics I felt like diving into. I wrote about fun, about part-time and invisible work, about taboos, death, boundaries and more. Every time I hit the send button, it took all my courage to reveal yet another puzzle piece of my soul and to expose the most vulnerable version of myself. But every time I got so much support, so many interesting thoughts and stories in return. Each edition resonated with different people from my audience and each time I felt like I was able to connect from human to human with someone I care about. And that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? I’ll definitely keep writing for my circle of butterfly people and even worked up the courage to publish parts of my thought-letter here on this website. If you’d like to join my group of butterfly readers to receive the next edition in your inbox with additional resources like books, quotes etc., feel free to join.

• Mini-Sabbatical: In July and August, I took two months off from my work at Product Academy in order to spend time with my daughter Maya before she entered Kindergarden. As a mom of two, I am often torn between conflicting needs (including my own…) and I was seeking an opportunity to focus solely on Maya, doing fun stuff for a four-year old like rope tech climbing, horse back riding or going on long walks in our neighborhood, each equipped with a digital camera. I won’t lie: this is not the relaxing kind of sabbatical you typically picture traveling sandy beaches, sipping cocktails and sleeping in. It can be quite exhausting to be fully present even with just one child, but I feel like it really made a difference both for her and me to reconnect on this level and share those special moments while Matteo was at daycare two days a week (and I’m definitely going to do the same with him when the time has come). This is one of the perks of being self-employed: I get to decide where and when I work, and carving out two months from my already quite reduced part-time workload of a 40% has been a great call. Because let’s face it: working 42 hours may be the default some genius set for all of us, but it sure is not the ideal solution for everyone…

• Bye-bye Instagram: As part of my sabbatical, I also embarked on a 4-week experiment of social media detox. In the past couple of months I had become more and more fed up with irrelevant posts, self-glorification and especially with my own feeling of inadequacy every time I opened those apps (especially Instagram): I’m a bad mother, I should be doing Montessori at home while raising my kids sugar-free. I’m not good enough at work, I am going to be eaten alive by my competition if I don’t read up on all those books. Did my last post get enough likes? … you name it. So on the first of July, I deinstalled Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram to see what that would do to me and my daily routine. I was expecting serious symptoms of withdrawal, extreme fear of missing out and maybe even boredom, but it actually wasn’t that hard. It was kind of liberating. The first couple of days I witnessed myself checking my phone every couple of minutes, tapping into the void. But then it got easier and I actually did not miss it so much. Since then, I haven’t been active on Twitter and only installed (and de-installed) Instagram twice to check for messages. The only platform I am still quite active on is Linkedin – but even there I have mixed feelings from time to time. Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying Twitter or Instagram don’t have their place in this world. I just realized I am very prone to the imposter syndrome and have a tendency of comparing myself to others in a non-healthy way. So, de-toxing from those kind of social networks is just yet another act of self-care for me. If you are like me, you might want to give it a try 😊

• Learning Organisations: At work for Product Academy, I was feeling somewhat drained from running many, many online workshops. So I was quite happy to launch the new edition of our mentoring program LevelUp! in person again this fall. In November, I also really enjoyed speaking at Product Management Festival about one of my all-time favorite topics: fostering learning organisations. This is not only the why of my company Product Academy. We are all part of organisations outside of work where all those learnings apply as well, like our families or non-profit associations. In my talk I drew some parallels between parenting and product work and discussed a couple of ideas on how to kick-start learning in product teams. For those of you who missed the talk but are interested in this topic, feel free to join our Product Tank in February (I am going to announce it on Linkedin as soon as we published it). If you feel your organization might benefit from a shift of mind to become more fluid, intentional and innovative, feel free to reach out 😊

As I was saying I am far from being done with chasing butterflies, although I am quite happy with the progress I made this year. For next year, I decided to look deeper into what is still holding me back from being joyful, happy and wholehearted. That is why my new mantra is going to be Opt in – Opt out. Next year, I am going to take a close look at decisions from the past, revisit them and see if they still suit me. For example, I am going to deliberately opt in to finding even more time for writing and creativity. I am going to opt out of teaching most of my classes in sterile workshop rooms and move some of my courses to the mountains instead. I am going to opt in to getting myself two additional hours of kids-free time per week without feeling guilty for not equally increasing my work load at Product Academy. I am going to opt out of fixing my feelings and stress with sugar every day. And that’s just a few examples of all the things I am planning to opt in and out of 🙂

And as a little gift to everyone who subscribed to my newsletter Tanja’s Butterflies this year, on New Year’s Eve I am going to delete the entire list of subscribers and provide all of you with a fresh chance to opt in to following my writing – if you really want to 😊

I hope you, too, are going to conclude 2021 with a feeling of having done some really hard, but important work coming closer to what really matters.

Enjoy the holidays and keep in touch!

Tanja